Try Reuniting With That 'Fro, Mike.

One of America's longest running freakshows, The Jacksons, are in the news again. This time squabbling over a series of "Jackson 5 reunions" to be held in September at New York's Madison Square Garden. The reunions are to be part of the "Michael Jackson: 30th Anniversary Celebration, The Solo Years" put on by the king of freakshows himself, Michael Jackson.

Jackson brother, Jermaine, queered the deal almost immediately by announcing that he and younger brother, Randy, would not be participating due to the fact that no charity had been announced to receive proceeds from the events. In response to Jermaine's announcement, brother Marlon released this passive-aggressive statement: "We love our brother Jermaine very much and wish him continued success, but that jive-ass nigga don't know what the fuck he's talking about. Randy is going to be at the shows and if Jermaine, whom we love dearly, doesn't like it, he can suck my big fucking dick." When asked if she would be participating, sister and multi-platinum artist, Janet Jackson, said "Shuh! Yeah right!"

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You Folks Know About The Abortion?

Indie-Folk songstress Ani DiFranco opted out of a scheduled appearance onThe Late Show With David Letterman Monday night when show producers suggested she perform a more "upbeat" number than the one she had originally planned. DiFranco was to perform a song from her new album Revelling/Reckoning entitled Subdivision. The song contains potentially offensive lines such as "In the basement bars, in the backs of cars, be cool or be cast out." Late Show producers did not specify why they requested DiFranco change songs. Apparently having never seen the long-running late-night television program and unaware that its format is primarily comedy-based, DiFranco was appalled at the producer's request. "As a matter of principle and a privilege of her hard-earned independence, Ani does not perform songs on demand." a spokesman for DiFranco said. Audience members were disappointed to hear that DiFranco would not be performing. "The who, now?", one was quoted as saying.

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Punchline Spice

Victoria Beckham, a.k.a. "Posh Spice" announced she will be releasing a solo album in the near future. Beckham revealed the news during an appearance on AgriBusiness Daily, the popular a.m. agriculture/entertainment program. Beckham also expressed a clear preference for Lorsban over Roundup when choosing a glyphosate-based herbicide.

In other Spice news, Melanie B., a.k.a. "Scary Spice" has severed ties with Virgin Records as a solo artist. She will remain with Virgin as a member of the Spice Girls, but is currently looking for a label with a more "urban" A&R department to market her solo material. Industry experts feel it will not be a problem to market a British, biracial millionaire who cannot sing, rap or dance to the urban market in the US.

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Citizen Mook

Limp Bizkit frontman, Fred Durst, will begin shooting one of two major film projects he is slated to direct this Fall, according to producer Michael London. The first project, entitled Runt, tells the tale of a fish out of water in a world he never made. When pressed for details of the script, Durst would only reveal "It's about this dude, yo. He's, like, got all these problems with , like, stuff, know what I'm sayin'? It'll be dope, yo." The second film Durst is scheduled to lens is entitled Life Without Joe. Reportedly a departure for Durst, Joe follows a fictional gay rap/rock singer on his search for love and acceptance. "Yeah, make sure you write fictional, yo." Durst said.

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Does The Red Carpet Match The Drapes?

Nominations for the 27th annual MTV Music Awards were announced yesterday.Topping the noms with nine was Fatboy Slim for his video Weapon Of Choice. The Spike Jonze directed Weapon was nominated in "Video Of The Year", "Best Choreography" and "Best Video To Watch While Baked" categories, among others. Trailing Fatboy with six nominations is Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilara, Mya, Pink and Lil' Kim. Kim, known for her scanty costumes and ribald performances, is reportedly planning on appearing nude this year. A lifetime achievement award will be handed to industry veteran, Britney Spears, whose video career spans two decades. Scheduled to air on September 6th from The Metropolitan Opera House, this year's awards will be hosted by a funny black guy, most likely.

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