Last week, while radio station employees across the nation were scrambling to slap together maudlin "tribute songs", pasting sound bites from Tuesday's newscasts over craprock ballads by Sarah McLachlan and the Goo Goo Dolls, thousands of volunteers sifted through the smoldering heaps of twisted steel, glass and concrete that was once the World Trade Center, in search of life. Let's remember who the real heroes are.

Last week, while vapid rock stars and television actors tried to wrestle the national spotlight back onto themselves by parroting cheap sentiments to the press and bullied their handlers into finding a flight back to L.A., thousands of catatonic, broken souls wandered numbly between hospitals and morgues in New York City, searching in vain for missing loved ones. Let's remember who the real heroes are.

The worst is yet to come. In the coming weeks, death will rain from the skies both at home and abroad.

In the meantime, let's look at funny pictures and read made-up stories. Might as well laugh to keep from cryin'.

-RRC-

Dreamy Diplomat

Backstreet Boy and foreign policy expert, Kevin Richardson told Canadian music channel Much Music that "I just think we are a little bit of an arrogant nation and maybe this is a little bit of a humbling experience. It raises questions in my mind, what has our government done to provoke this action, that we don't know about?"

Richardson, or "The One Who Wore A Skirt To The MTV Awards", as he is more commonly known, said that he "and other members of the boy band community such as 98 Degrees, N*Sync and O-Town are very concerned with the recent developments both at home and abroad. We have decided to form a coalition, a think tank, if you will, to explore diplomatic options and to chart a course for the country as a member of the global community. While we are still in the planning stages, I feel we've come up with some very real and comprehensive ways to tackle the problem of U.S. foreign policy and globalization in general."

When asked to comment on his bandmate's plans, fellow Boy Nick Carter, or "The Gay One" said "Yo, word."

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Now You Liam, Now You Lon't

Cro-Magnon Oasis singer, Liam Gallagher has, according to Reuters, vowed never again to sully U.S. shores. "I ain't goin' to New York again." said Gallagher "I'm never going to America again. I'm staying put." Gallagher's comments were in response to the recent terrorist attacks in the U.S.

The hard drinking singer is famous for his drug use, infidelity and sullen behavior, both on and off stage.

Most Americans were unaware that Oasis were still together. "They're the ones that sang that Wonder Woman song in, like 92, right?" said record buyer Kristen Fiedler. "I thought they broke up after the one dude spit on stage on MTV. He was a dick."

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