Rock And Roll Confidential | Your Band Sucks

The godfather of soul, James Brown, testified in a Los Angeles court room Tuesday. Brown, 68, is being charged with sexual harassment of a former employee, Lisa Agbalaya, 36. Agbalaya worked for Brown in his west coast production office.

"I uh chuch gwine meh!" said Brown "I ain't guh tah fo dah guuuuh!" Agbalaya claims that Brown made inappropriate sexual advances. She detailed an incident where Brown presented Agbalaya with a pair of leopard-print panties and said "Uhhh, you doo no gih wuuuuh! Ha!"

Mrs. Smith

R&B singer and actress Brandy has announced that she has been secretly married since last summer. The singer married Robert Smith in a secret ceremony.

Brandy did not specify if Smith was the former Minnesota Vikings running back, the popular musician, the drag racer, the Birmingham, Alabama grief counselor, the Milwaukee fifth-grader, the San Bernardino-based athletic director, the New Jersey State Senator, the historical recreationist, the Simi Valley professional bowler or the 19th century Rhode Island cabinet maker.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Whatever

Veteran rocker David Bowie has quit the Virgin Records label and set up an independent music company, he announced on his Web site.

"I've had one too many years of bumping heads with corporate structure,'' Bowie said. "Many times I've not been in agreement with how things are done and as a writer of some proliferation, frustrated at how slow and lumbering it all is. I've dreamed of embarking on my own set-up for such a long time and now is the perfect opportunity.'' Bowie released his last three albums on Virgin.

An anonymous Virgin employee said of Bowie's departure, "Of course he thought it was the perfect opportunity, we were about to dump his lanky ass. Those last three albums sold, what? 30K apiece? Dude needs to spend a little less time at fashion shows and shit and more time writing some kick-ass music for a change." The employee continued "Aw, damn. I gotta go, I think I just got laid off."

Virgin Records, a unit of the British company EMI Group PLC, has had a difficult year: Mariah Carey's label debut tanked; highly anticipated new releases by Mick Jagger and Lenny Kravitz got off to slow starts; and staff members were laid off amid a management overhaul at EMI.

Singer of the all-female punk rock quartet, Betty Blowtorch, Bianca Butthole (Bianca Halstead) was killed in a two-car accident early Saturday morning.

Butthole had finished a show at the Howlin' Wolf bar in New Orleans and had gone for a ride with a fan, William McAllister. McAllister was reportedly inebriated and was speeding in his 1986 Corvette when he sideswiped a car and spun across a grassy median into oncoming traffic. The car was struck and virtually sheared in half by another car. Butthole was killed on impact. McAllister is in critical condition and will be charged with an assortment of crimes.

There really isn't anything funny about this story, other than the fact that the word "Butthole" is mentioned a bunch of times and Bianca would have thought that was funny, too.

Rosedale Michigan resident, DeAngelo Bailey is suing rapper Eminem for $1,000,000, claiming the rapper slandered him in his song Brain Damage from The Slim Shady LP (1999). In the song, Eminem speaks of being bullied at the hands of Bailey while in grade school, claiming Bailey assaulted him in the restroom, choking him and breaking his nose.

Bailey's attorney alleged "Eminem, a Caucasian, white male, used Bailey, his African-American childhood schoolmate, as a pawn in his effort to stem the tide of criticism in the hip hop community." The suit alleges that Eminem "caused (Bailey) humiliation, anger and embarrassment; and hurt his ability to launch his own rap career."

If the case makes it to court, a flood of potential lawsuits could be brought against the rapper alleging "aural abuse" and "affronts to society". Legal experts agree that there could be possible class action lawsuits filed for his "mere existence".