Satan Furious With Durst

HELL (RRC News) - Satan, Ruler of the Unholy Kingdom of Hell, is reportedly furious over recent liberties taken by Limp Bizkit leader, Fred Durst, during the filming of a video for the single “Behind Blue Eyes” in which Durst engages in passionate love scenes with recently separated Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry.

“Old Scratch is just about ready to call in his chips.” said one anonymous Hell insider. “Durst sold his soul to Beelzebub back in the early nineties in exchange for wealth, fame and power. It was a pretty standard contract, really. Total boilerplate stuff. We do three or four of these deals every day. I mean, have you looked at MTV in the last five years? Clearly, Satan lived up to his end of the bargain by making sure Durst sold several million albums, became obscenely wealthy and was given a ceremonial A&R post at a record label. Most everyone would have been happy with that arrangement, but not this prick Durst.” said the insider.

Trouble began to brew between Durst and “The Home Office” when he was inexplicably able to have sex with teen-pop starlet Britney Spears. “Look at it from Satan’s perspective: Here’s a short, fat kid from Jerkwater, Florida with little or no discernable skills or talent. He sells his soul (at a bargain basement price, I might add) and Satan goes above and beyond for this kid, ya know? He gets platinum albums, all the trim he can handle, money out the ass, the whole package. I mean, at least Courtney Love has racked up a couple of kills for us. She knows the value of a good business relationship, that kid.

Well, after the Spears thing with Durst, Satan started to feel he may be getting taken to the cleaners. Then, we get word that this Durst kid is directing a video in which he gets to make out with Halle Berry? Come on! How much is enough? Now, he’s just rubbing Satan’s nose in it. Well, I don’t need to tell you that The Boss pretty much blew his stack and is thinking about reeling Durst in.”

When asked when and how Durst would be dealt with, the insider became evasive, saying “Nothing’s set in stone yet, but I can tell you it’ll probably be a Michael Jackson thing combined with a Michael Hutchence-type deal. It’ll be real messy and pretty much ensure Durst will be a laughing-stock for all eternity. You just don’t mess with the Devil, man.”

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