|
The
Most Annoying Album Title In The World...Ever!
 Turner
Broadcasting has begun offering an album of relaxing classical compositions
entitled “The Most Relaxing Classical Album In The World…Ever!”
The album features such relaxing compositions as “Nocturne”,
“Adagio For Strings” and that one song with the two
ladies singing that they used in the awesome lesbo scene in “The
Hunger”.
The
album is the latest in the successful series of “The Most…Ever!”
albums and promises to break sales records set by “The Most
Freaky R&B Album In The World…Ever!” and its successor,
“The Most Repetitive Blues Album In The World…Ever!”
Turner
has plans to extend the series with new releases each quarter. Titles
already slated are “The Most Clichéd 60s Rock That
Evokes Vietnam Album In The World…Ever!”, “The
Most Songs From Teen Comedy Soundtracks That Are Mostly ‘All-Star’
By Smashmouth Album In The World…Ever!” and “The
Most Songs That Hipsters Pretend To Like Album In The World…Ever!”
<Back
to top>
St.
Angry!
 Fans
of the hard-rock band Metallica are outraged at the band for releasing
the film “Some Kind Of Monster”. “Monster”,
a documentary, follows the band through the making of its latest
album “St. Anger”. At a recent showing of the film in
Crestview, Indiana, fans spoke out. “Don’t even write
that I’m a fan.” says Metallica fan Craig Hillvern,
23, “Each time I see this movie, I get more and more angry
and frustrated with them. I was only mildly pissed off the first
three or four times I saw it, but the next couple of times just
made me violent. They suck so hard now.”
Another
fan, Shawn Frederickson, 26, agrees. “Cliff would weep…”
Frederickson said, referring to Metallica’s first bassist,
Cliff Burton, who died in a 1986 tour bus crash while touring Europe
with the band. “…if he heard this wimpy music and saw
this movie with them being all wimpy and talking about feelings
and stuff. Believe me. I know. I’ve bought every single, every
album, every import, every bootleg, every video and every DVD they’ve
released since then and it never gets any better!”
Both
Hillvern and Frederickson plan to attend several dates on Metallica’s
current North American tour. “We wouldn’t miss it for
the world.” Said Hillvern “I’m going to go to
at least six shows just so I can tell people how much I hate what
Metallica has become!” Frederickson added “They totally,
totally suck now. I had to quit my job so we could go to those six
shows, but it’ll be worth it to tell them just how bad they
suck.”
<Back
to top>
Classical
Ass
 so-called
“Guitar legend” Esteban was stripped of his legendary
status this week when it was discovered that he is an entirely fictional
character created specifically to sell pressboard guitars in infomercials.
Allan
Holdsworth, guitar legend and president of “Real Guitar Legends
For Truth” released a statement on Monday calling for the
immediate cessation of all applications of the appellation “Guitar
legend” to the television character known as “Esteban”.
According to the statement, “Esteban is a fictional character
created by L.A. session guitarist Dan Fernaueu for the express purpose
of marketing a cheap, poorly constructed guitar-like instrument
on the Home Shopping Channel.”
The
scandal intensified when the Recording Academy revealed that claims
that “Esteban” had won “several Grammys”
were false.
These
charges come on the heels of last month’s statement from the
Musical Instrument Manufacturers Association that the “Esteban”
guitar could not, in fact, be classified as an actual guitar due
to the fact that it is constructed out of reclaimed materials such
as discarded telephone directories and medical waste. The MIMA demanded
that the instrument be classified as a toy.
<Back
to top>
|
